The Femme Files

The importance of learning how to set boundaries in relationships, work, and life in general.

One of the most significant changes from teen to ‘adult’ is the female rage, when you are a teenager, you’re considered ‘hormonal’ and ‘going through girl stuff.’ But it continues through your life and only gets worse.

The biggest thing with this is how we, as women react to people. Boundaries help to minimise conflicts with other people, given they respect the boundaries in place.

‘NO’ has become my favourite word. It used to feel so hard to say no to people, ingrained in your head that saying yes is the ‘right thing to do’ or makes you a better person.

But all saying yes to people all the time does is strain both your mental and physical being. Saying yes is like torture sometimes, and it slips off the tongue without thinking.

Saying no, often has negative responses, but take those and grow from them. If someone reacts badly to you saying no, in the right context, they should not be allowed the pleasure of knowing you.

Setting boundaries is the healthiest thing you can do to any of your relationships, platonic or not.

Having these healthy boundaries should strengthen bonds you have as people will learn what is important to you and help you grow as a person.

Aiesha Weste, of Aiesha Weste Coaching, hosts regular talks and events on boundary setting, or simply on saying no to people. We spoke to her for some advice on setting these healthy boundaries.

“Every time you say ‘no’ to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying ‘yes’ to your inner peace, growth, and self-respect. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to the life you deserve.”

Aiesha
Facilitator of change, motivation, inner growth and mental wellness

Identifying your needs and priorities, learning to communicate clearly with the right amount of assertiveness. And with that comes avoiding people or situations when necessary. There is nothing wrong with prioritising your own mental and physical wellbeing by avoiding vampires, i mean energy drainers.

People will continuously try to take you for advantage, sometimes without meaning to. Whether it’s your job, your friends or family expecting too much of you, you begin to realise the importance of saying no to people.

There’s two types of boundaries: Hard and soft.

Hard boundaries are non-negotiables. These are ones you are unwilling to compromise and need to act on immediately.

Soft boundaries are aspirations. They are more like wishes that you are willing to compromise on, not that you should have to.

There’s no strict right and wrong with setting boundaries, just do what you need to do in order to keep your mental wellbeing stable.

To start, take a step back and begin by labelling your boundaries as “hard” or “soft.”

Step One: Know your priorities. In both work and life.

Step Two: Test out one ‘hard’ boundary.

Step Three: Practice a few ‘soft’ boundaries.

Step Four: Commit.

Take back your own power.